Hard to Say Goodbye

Finals have a way of making me think, especially if it is not about the classes I am taking. So, for the past hour, instead of going to bed to study in the morning, I have been tweaking my blog and thinking about how the close of the semester and year brings a close to a stage in my life. While I am excited about Christmas, the inevitable changes that come with the end of semester are currently forefront in my mind. This song has been running through my head for quite a while now.

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the pain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

It really is hard to say goodbye to yesterday. I have a lot of friends that are leaving the position they currently have in my life. Some are graduating and moving away, others are leaving on missions. Still others, potentially the most distant, are those of my friends who are getting married. The married friends may still be in town, but they will be in another world.

I have never done well with change, and the upcoming changes in life are frightening. While I am excited to see what the next chapter of my life brings, it is hard for me to accept the close of this one. In some ways, my feelings are in limbo. Just like a movie fan afraid of what the sequel will do for the original's plot and closure, I am not sure if I will like the sequel as much. Inevitably, I will like some parts more and some parts less. Each chapter in my life is like another sequel to a well-loved movie.

I know I will the friends I have who will no longer be as easily reached. I know that to maintain those friendships I will have to put forth more effort and energy. As sad as it is, I also know that some of those friendships will fade. Always I am striving to follow the advice in a song I learned in Brownies, but, as the common phrase goes, it is easier said than done.

How can I "make new friends, but keep the old" while still taking time to strengthen and maintain friendships? Being a truly good friend takes work. Sometimes it is emotionally draining. Sometimes it means pushing aside my own emotions and opinions to help someone when he needs me most. Sometimes it means swallowing my pride and admitting I was wrong.

Sometimes it means laughing till I cry. Sometimes it means excitement that is best shared and celebrated by ice cream or chocolate. Sometimes the joy of a friend brightens my day more than anything else could.

Although keeping friends is difficult, it is a breeze in comparison to making new friends. I am not just talking about friendly acquaintances, but meaningful, deep, and lasting friends. More than anything, the search for new friends is what scares me most about each change in my life. Every time I move or start new classes, I am searching for friends to make each chapter of my life enjoyable. That of course is very selfish, but I also hope I make my new friends' lives better.

Really, all I am saying is that life is hard. The chapter of my life coming to a close is scary. I hope that with the start of the new semester, I can maintain the friendships I have while still making new ones. I hope be able to like the sequel even more than the current chapter. :) Only time will tell.

Wow, I just went back and saw how long this is. Brownie points to whomever actually read the whole thing.