Another Attempt

So, it has been a while since I last updated my blog. I will try to keep things updated on a more regular basis. Since the last time I wrote, I moved out of my old apartment and to an entirely new place. I now live in Oregon and work for a company where I get paid to taste ice cream! I love it here, and I will hopefully putting up pictures soon about how beautiful it is here.

A Poem

I wrote a poem and wanted to share it somewhere. It is kind of long. I hope you like it.


I walk down the trail
Looking for something.
What am I looking for?
I am not even sure.

I don’t walk. I stroll.
I move without direction.
I have a purpose, but no guidance.
I strive for something, but what is it?

On the trail, I stop.
Why should I follow a path?
It leads to somewhere,
But not the somewhere I want.

The question consumes my mind.
Cheshire cat, oh how well you knew what you said!
I remain on the sidewalk, frozen.
“Words of wisdom” run through my mind.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
Failure to plan is planning to fail.
Practice doesn’t make perfect; it makes permanent.
Time is of the essence.

Such common phrases,
But so haunting.
What am I to do?
I could just sit down and wait.

Wait for life to start.
Wait for someone.
Someone to complete me.
Or just someone to direct me.

Sitting implies submission.
Do I want to stop my travels?
The trail offers many adventures.
Magnificent views. Momentous insights.

The destination is not clear.
Following the path is tricky.
Past experiences are fallen branches,
Obstacles blocking the way.

The branches demand attention.
Entice me to probe.
Why did they fall?
What is to be done with them now?

I have many choices,
Each with unclear consequences.
If I stay frozen on the path,
No changes can occur.

Climbing over the branch
Results in dirty clothes.
Brambles cling to me,
Causing prolonged irritation.

I climb over one branch,
Continue on my journey,
Still not sure of the destination,
Plagued by the brambles.

I struggle to rid myself
Of the brambles.
My steps slow,
I stumble along the way.

Another traveler passes.
She helps me with the brambles.
For a time, we travel.
We talk of hopes and dreams.

For a moment, I have direction.
The other hiker helps me.
I know where I am going.
I look forward, barely flinching
At the branches on the path.

We come to a wider path.
We walk side by side.
The path widens further.
Unknowingly, our distance grows.

Before I know it,
She is gone,
Lost as the path widened,
Then diverged.

The path narrows.
I am alone again.
I lack direction.
Every bramble ensnares me.

A hiker passes.
He stops to help.
For a time we travel together.
Once again, my purpose is clear.

We meet another traveler.
She needs his help more than I do.
We three walk a widening path.
They drift away from me.

The path narrows again.
Directionless, I amble.
I struggle with lingering
Brambles from past branches.

Travelers drift in and out
Of my path.
At times, I see clearly
Where I am headed.

Other times, I see nothing.
I do not know my purpose
Or what I should learn.
I don’t know where to look.

The insights and views
Are lost on me.
Every branch and snag
Take away chances to learn.

I reach a crossroad.
Possibilities spread out before me.
Each path has a locked gate.
I have no keys.

I peak through one gate.
I pear into another.
Each gate holds opportunities.
I try to see what each one presents.

I wait, trying to decide.
I finally choose a gate
And am forced to wait
For the key held by someone else.

I try to look forward.
The path can be happy.
I strive to wait patiently.
The time for a key approaches.

The brambles still remain.
I am not irritated always,
But when least expected
The pain returns.

The gates are exciting but intimidating.
I still struggle with previous branches.
Hope of a clear path is
Clouded by fear of new branches.

Now I must just wait.
I have walked very far.
Help has come and gone.
Friends have been found and lost.

I stand at a great juncture.
Where I will be is unclear.
What I will do is foggy.
Hope of meeting someone is bleak.

Yet, I look toward light.
An unseen constant companion,
A friend when I have no one
Has been by my side.

The promise of comfort soothes me.
I look toward the gates with faith and hope.
No matter which gate I choose,
I will have help on the path.

I am not alone on the journey.
There are those that root for me.
I will meet other travelers.
We will learn from each other.

I look to future paths with happy anticipation.
I look at past branches without flinching.
I wait for the key.
I stand at the juncture.

Ships that pass in the night

I have often wondered about this expression. What exactly does it mean? Does it mean that you don't even know the other ship is out there? Or do you see but not really acknowledge the other ship? At least in my mind, you have acknowledged the other ship, but you don't really know anything about it.

Of course, I am not really talking about ships. I am talking about the people I meet in my life. There are so many people that I could get to know better than I do. I think about the people I see every day, but never really talk to. Yes, I say, "Hi, how are you?" I may even ask how the intramural game or test went. I might even know a little bit more and ask about a specific event that had been coming up for a while. All of those questions and conversations seem trivial.

How can I truly mean what I say if I know very little about a person? There are people that I could know so much better if I just took the time to do so. Whenever I have a really meaningful conversation, I am again reminded of how little time it actually takes to learn something about someone. At the same time, I know that is takes more than just time. It takes willingness on both my part and my friend's part.

Of course, even a good friendship consists of more than just deep, philosophical conversations. I know that friendships start with the trivial conversations that can gradually become more meaningful and serious. It is still important to have fun, silly times that can be laughed about later. There is just something so powerful in knowing that I can call on a friend for any reason or any conversation or any excursion.

So, I guess my really question is this: how can the ships I pass in the night become the friends I include in my life? I really don't know the answer. I suppose it takes two people who are willing to devote time to get to know the other person. I guess it means that I am willing to take the time to find out about a potential friend and to show I truly care by remembering and applying what that person has told me. Maybe, if I try to focus on how other people are doing, and really mean it, with no thought of myself, I will learn more about them.

If I stop trying to tell people about my day and just listen to what they have to say, I will better be able to show that I do care about that. I think it is through the sincere signs of interest that I can make friends out of those ships in my life that try to pass in the night.

Presidents' Day Weekend

Over the weekend I drove down to Cedar City with my friend Monica. We went to visit our friend Jessica. While we were there, we also headed over to St. George. While in St. George, I saw my friend Katelyn. I am too tired to add a detailed list of what we did, but here are some pictures.


Monica, me, and Jessica enjoying an oh so tasty treat.


The St. George temple at night


The view in the canyon


Yes, there really was that much snow. It wasn't just from the plowing.


Me and Katelyn. She was so excited when I surprised her. It made my day.

Memories

Sometimes, pictures like this remind me of how much I miss London. At the same time, I realize that I could spend my whole life looking at past events or looking toward future ones, with no notice paid to the present. For that reason, I am trying to be better about looking at every moment and seeing the beauty I can find there.

Today I was supposed to go cross-country skiing with my friend. Unfortunately, we weren't able to go. At the same time, it is nice to know that I can look forward, every week, to seeing views like this.



I feel so lucky to live in such a beautiful place. I think I will always have to live near mountains from now on.

Keys, anyone?

So I got in very late last night. It was a long day of traveling and I was grateful to finally make it to my apartment and my waiting bed. I slept for far too few hours and woke up to get ready for church. I knew I was going to need a ride, so I was ready to go earlier than usual to find a ride. As I was about to head out the door, I realized I didn't have my keys. I went back to my room and checked my desk. I checked my purse. I checked under the cushions on the couch. I rechecked my room. I checked my drawer in the bathroom. I looked everywhere I could think of for fifteen minutes. I knew I had used my keys to unlock the door the night before, but I could not find them anywhere. I finally gave up and figured I would just leave the door unlocked while I was at church. As I was walking outside, I realized I had left my key in the deadbolt. So, last night when I should have taken my keys out of the deadbolt, I left them there. I am just so incredibly grateful that nothing happened. I still can't believe I was that tired.

Hard to Say Goodbye

Finals have a way of making me think, especially if it is not about the classes I am taking. So, for the past hour, instead of going to bed to study in the morning, I have been tweaking my blog and thinking about how the close of the semester and year brings a close to a stage in my life. While I am excited about Christmas, the inevitable changes that come with the end of semester are currently forefront in my mind. This song has been running through my head for quite a while now.

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the pain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

It really is hard to say goodbye to yesterday. I have a lot of friends that are leaving the position they currently have in my life. Some are graduating and moving away, others are leaving on missions. Still others, potentially the most distant, are those of my friends who are getting married. The married friends may still be in town, but they will be in another world.

I have never done well with change, and the upcoming changes in life are frightening. While I am excited to see what the next chapter of my life brings, it is hard for me to accept the close of this one. In some ways, my feelings are in limbo. Just like a movie fan afraid of what the sequel will do for the original's plot and closure, I am not sure if I will like the sequel as much. Inevitably, I will like some parts more and some parts less. Each chapter in my life is like another sequel to a well-loved movie.

I know I will the friends I have who will no longer be as easily reached. I know that to maintain those friendships I will have to put forth more effort and energy. As sad as it is, I also know that some of those friendships will fade. Always I am striving to follow the advice in a song I learned in Brownies, but, as the common phrase goes, it is easier said than done.

How can I "make new friends, but keep the old" while still taking time to strengthen and maintain friendships? Being a truly good friend takes work. Sometimes it is emotionally draining. Sometimes it means pushing aside my own emotions and opinions to help someone when he needs me most. Sometimes it means swallowing my pride and admitting I was wrong.

Sometimes it means laughing till I cry. Sometimes it means excitement that is best shared and celebrated by ice cream or chocolate. Sometimes the joy of a friend brightens my day more than anything else could.

Although keeping friends is difficult, it is a breeze in comparison to making new friends. I am not just talking about friendly acquaintances, but meaningful, deep, and lasting friends. More than anything, the search for new friends is what scares me most about each change in my life. Every time I move or start new classes, I am searching for friends to make each chapter of my life enjoyable. That of course is very selfish, but I also hope I make my new friends' lives better.

Really, all I am saying is that life is hard. The chapter of my life coming to a close is scary. I hope that with the start of the new semester, I can maintain the friendships I have while still making new ones. I hope be able to like the sequel even more than the current chapter. :) Only time will tell.

Wow, I just went back and saw how long this is. Brownie points to whomever actually read the whole thing.